How to always make the best self care choices (and decrease self sabotage) with this one simple word
Since I teach self care for a living, it’s something that’s on my mind constantly as I move through my day.
It's also the guidepost with which I plan my activities, gauge my energy and decide my interactions.
While it IS often the foundation of how I thrive and have energy, motivation and confidence to achieve all the things I need and want to do, there is one common pitfall that can actually cause our commitment to self care to work against us.
Because the conscious brain is really good at convincing us about whatever our subconscious brain believes to be true, it can let us logic out that a self indulgence qualifies as self care (because our brain can always find a reason to support what it believes is true).
When this happens, the self indulgence ends up self sabotaging our desires.
Pushing off the laundry for one more day.
Having that extra glass of wine.
Binge watching Netflix and going to bed late.
The sneaky way our brain tricks us into letting self indulgences masquerading as self care is through the word NEED.
Consider for a moment, how often do you find yourself saying you “need” something when it comes to your self care?
“I need to eat this specific food for my health.”
“I need to get 8 hours of sleep.”
“I need to exercise.”
“I need a massage.”
“I need to meditate.”
The list goes on and on.
When we say the word NEED, it automatically triggers a sense of lack in our survival brain.
As humans our only true needs are those foundational ones that secure our survival.
Food.
Water.
Shelter.
Everything else is a want or desire that helps us thrive.
Better said, they’re preferences. Privileges.
So, every time you say you “need “something that is beyond those survival needs, your brain thinks you can’t survive without it.
The next time you catch yourself saying you “need” to do something”, pause for a moment to consider if it really is a survival need or if in fact it’s actually a want, desire or preference and instead say, “I prefer…”
So how do we differentiate self care and self indulgence?
Self care is anything you do that your future self will thank you for.
While often this can be the lovely and fun things like getting a massage, taking a nap, or going to yoga class...
More often it is those less than fun things like calling your accountant, scheduling that preventative doctor’s appointment or cleaning out the closet.
And it’s exactly these moments when the brain can trick us into saying yes to a distracting self indulgence under the guise of self care. When we’re feeling resistance, on the verge of growth or in some way challenging the identity of ourselves that our subconscious brain believes to be true.
Because who doesn’t want to say yes to the comfort of self care over the comfort of growth?!
Here are 2 questions to help you immediately clarify self care vs. self indulgence
The next time you’re on the fence about a self care choice, ask yourself these two questions:
Is this something future me will thank me for?
Is this something that will move me in the direction I want to go?
If the answer to even one of these is no, chances are it isn't self care and the brain is trying to help you avoid something uncomfortable that is actually the true self care that your future self will thank you for, that you'll be proud of yourself for doing, will give you confidence in your abilities, trust in yourself and move you in the direction of your dreams.
Use this process to help you confidently make the choice that future you will thank you for.
What self care can you do for yourself today that includes this new perspective? Please share with me! I'd truly love to know!
Curious to continue your self care journey with me?
Join the waitlist for my signature program, The School of Self Care to get updates on when enrollment will reopen.
