7 Happiness Questions: A Conversation Between Two Happiness Experts
Every time I teach a yoga class I always start by asking my students 3 questions:
How are you feeling physically? (Back, neck, shoulders, etc.)
How are you feeling energetically? (Awake, tired, tired but wired, etc.)
How are you feeling emotionally? (Happy, anxious, frustrated, etc.)
To me, these three categories are the foundational tripod of our overall wellness and can tip us in the direction of either simply surviving or of actively thriving. But in truth, it doesn’t matter so much what our answers are to each of these questions as much as if we are happy with those answers.
Because happiness is subjective and unique to each individual.
In honor of Emotional Wellness Month, I’m sharing a conversation between myself and happiness expert, Atte Nissinen, a mental health advocate and wellness expert who helps people overcome mental health challenges, drawing from his own journey from anxiety and depression to lasting happiness, where we delve into 7 questions on happiness.
Read below for Atte and I’s answers.
7 of Life’s Biggest Questions About Happiness
How do you define happiness?
Atte: Contrary to what we are used to thinking, happiness does not have any requirements. Happiness comes from within. It is your natural state of being - the ”default”.
From the moment you were born, happiness was your natural state. You knew nothing of sadness, anxiety, anger, worry, or depression. As long as your basic needs were met, you were content.
Look at a baby, and it's easy to see this is true. It takes very little to make a baby happy because happiness is their default state.
But then as we grow, we learn what we think we need to be happy—things like money, education, a career, or a family. In the process, we forget that happiness requires very little external. But that natural happiness remains within you, buried beneath layers of learned thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
When you’re not sad, worried, anxious, angry, or caught up in other emotions, you can return to this natural, default state of happiness.
Allison: For me, happiness equals both progress and presence. I love learning and growing so knowing that I am making progress in the direction of my goals and desires makes me happy. But too much forward looking and future thinking can make me feel discontent with where I currently am, so it also needs to be balanced with being present. Honoring exactly where I currently am, celebrating how far I’ve come and appreciating all the blessings in my life right now. What we appreciate appreciates.
2. How can you find true happiness?
Atte: True happiness can be found from within you by accessing the default happy state of being you were born with. From my journey from anxiety and depression to lasting happiness emerged a three-step process for accessing this natural state:
Understand what’s making you unhappy: The belief that there are requirements for happiness, the need for external rewards and validation, and stress, anxiety, worry, or any other negative emotions.
Change your perception of happiness: Instead of seeking happiness in external circumstances, start cultivating your innate happiness
Choose happiness consciously: When you’ve mastered the previous two steps, you can start choosing to be happy regardless of the circumstances.
In short: Change your understanding of happiness from external rewards to an internal state of being, remove blocks to happiness such as stress and anxiety, and then make a conscious choice each moment to be happy.
Allison: By doing the inner rewiring and releasing of any false limiting beliefs so that you can wholly and completely love yourself exactly as you are with the knowledge, on a cellular level, that you are worthy of anything and everything you desire. Because you were born worthy.
3. What are the most important things for living a happy life?
Atte: Unless you are a spiritual master content with just being alive, there are two absolute musts for living a happy life:
a) Your basic human needs must be met.
Think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Your most basic needs are physical needs, such as water, food, clean air, shelter from the elements, and so on. You have psychological needs as well such as healthy social relationships, intimacy, a sense of connection, achievement, respect, etc. Your spiritual needs include meaning and purpose, and discovering your inner potential. The more these needs are met, the happier you will be.
b) The absence of negative emotions.
While negative feelings and emotions are an integral part of human existence, they are not meant to be the prevailing state of being. Dealing healthily with stress, anxiety, worry, fear, sadness, and depression is required for your inner happiness to surface.
Allison: I believe happiness is tied to fulfillment and honoring that we are all connected. Each of us came to this world with unique gifts that only we have and can share with others. Be in alignment with your soul’s desires, give yourself the opportunity to express those gifts and live out your purpose. These three things can allow you to feel fulfillment on a soul level. And it will always remind you of the power you have, as one individual, to create change, while at the same time keeping you connected to a bigger WHY than your individual self.
4. Does the way you spend your time affect your happiness?
Atte: Yes, it does, in a deeper sense than you might think. It’s been studied that autonomy, or the freedom to make choices about your life is one of the most important things for happiness. The more you can choose how you spend your time, the happier you will be.
Also, we’ve all experienced how some activities seem to lift our spirits and give us energy, while other activities (or being around certain people) seem to take away our energy and leave us feeling down.
Here are some quick tips on how to spend your time in a way that makes you happy:
- Spend time each day moving. Your body is meant to move and loves physical activity, be it just walking or a good yoga session. This will fulfill some of your physical needs.
- Read, learn, engage your brain. This is required for mental well-being. Your mind will be happy when you use it.
- Contemplate the meaning and purpose of your life. This will help you feel happy spiritually (even if you think that you are not a spiritual or religious person).
Allison: Absolutely! Time is one of, if not THE most, precious gift we have in this life. So I believe it’s incredibly beneficial to our overall happiness and wellbeing to spend as much of our time in the ways that we choose, doing things we value, and spending time with people who are important to us.
However, in those moments in life where we are doing things that aren’t our favorite, there is so much opportunity for happiness in practicing the skill of choosing to embrace those moments and finding ways to bring joy, light and fun into them and those around you.
5. Can happiness be learned?
Atte: Yes, happiness can most definitely be learned.
Research shows that people can actively increase their happiness through practices like gratitude journaling, mindfulness meditation, and regular physical exercise.
However, it's important to understand that happiness is also an inherent part of your personality—a natural state of being. Over time, you may have adopted beliefs and habits that distance you from this default state of happiness.
So, learning happiness is often more about "unlearning" the things that block your natural happiness rather than acquiring new skills.
Allison: Absolutely. Our parents, grandparents, and ancestors didn’t even know it was possible and spent much of their time focused on survival. Our survival brain hasn’t changed much since hunter/gatherer times and it has a negativity bias because it wants to remember the “bad” things so that it can help us avoid them in the future so that we survive as long as possible. (Give your brain gratitude for this because it is doing its job!).
The fact that we live in a time where we are able to have a conversation focused on happiness is a privilege.
We’ve only recently come to understand the power we have to change the neural pathways in the brain, meaning our thoughts, habits and patterns, even generational patterns, that might not be serving us. Through the science of neuroplasticity and resiliency practices we can re-train our brain and teach our brain and body to be more resilient, which can help improve our feelings of happiness and overall mental well-being.
6. What quote about happiness best represents your beliefs?
Atte: "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.”
- John Lennon
Although it’s likely falsely attributed to John and actually by someone else, I still love this quote and it sums up happiness very nicely.
Allison: This is a tough one! As an English major and avid reader I LOVE quotes.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like ~ Unknown
7. What's your go-to song or movie when you need an instant happiness boost?
Atte: Movies that cheer me up every time are silly comedies, and one that always works is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Music-wise, being from Finland I love heavy metal. Even though it may seem dark and gloomy to some, it always manages to boost my mood.
Allison: My go-to songs change seasonally. I actually name my Spotify playlists based on the season and year because songs always remind me of what was going on in my life when they were important to me :-)
Currently it’s “Just Feels Good” by Imani Coppola. But my long term favorite song is “Dreams” by The Cranberries. I love the sense of possibility it always makes me feel.
I hope our conversation inspires you and gives you food for thought! We would LOVE to hear your definition of happiness and what brings you happiness in life. Comment below and let us know!
To your happiness and overall emotional wellbeing.
Atte Nissinen is the founder of Happiness On Demand, a company realizing his vision of a world where people can live free from depression and anxiety. Atte is also a co-founder of Coach Professionally, a platform that connects people with expert coaches to help them overcome life's challenges. Additionally, Atte is the author of the book 'Happiness on Demand: 3 Simple Steps to Overcome Negative Thoughts and Emotions, and Create a Life Filled with Joy.
