Keeping promises to myself
Several months ago I received an email invite, entitled “Cocktails & Conversation”.
The invite was to an event in the Hamptons with special guest Frank Bruni, the former NY Times restaurant critic.
My answer was an immediate h*ll, yes.
I know when something is a h*ll yes for me because my body gets tingly and I become super excited and immediately begin fantasizing about how great it’ll be.
And yet there was still that little part of my brain that worried it might not actually work, since I wasn’t sure I knew anyone going or if I would have a place to stay.
I took the time to process the fear and did some research. I discovered that, worst case scenario, I could take the train out and back and make it a day trip.
So I bought a fantastic dress and RSVP'd.
Now I was committed. And even more excited to go.
Over the next few weeks, I asked multiple friends if they were going. Many weren’t interested and a couple were busy and couldn't make it.
One was going and planning to stay with family, but couldn’t offer me a place to stay.
One was interested, but on the fence about committing.
As the weekend drew closer and it was looking like my worst case/last resort option was going to be my only option, I took a moment to reconsider:
Did I still want to go if it was going to be such a long, less than relaxing day?
Did I still want to go if I wasn’t really going to know anyone there?
Did I still want to go if I wasn’t going to have anywhere to stay or change into my fabulous dress beforehand?
Did I still want to go and spend the majority of a gorgeous day on a train when my other option was to spend it laying poolside with my friend visiting from out of town?
All of these were completely valid reasons to say no and they all made me even more anxious about going.
The easy choice would have been to back out of my plans.
But I knew the answer was to feel the fear and do it anyway.
Because while my fear was well intentioned to protect me, I know I would be ok.
That’s often where most people get stuck in achieving their goals.
They chose to let the fear be stronger than the desires.
The reasons to say no overpower the reasons to say yes.
I had promised myself I was going to go to the event.
If I wanted to keep my promise to myself, I was the one who had the power to make that happen.
And while the event was delightful and as fun and amazing as I wanted it to be, my true excitement is that I kept my promise.
Here's what happens when we keep a promise to ourselves:
it increases our confidence in our ability to stick to our word
it retrains our brain away from its natural tendency towards fear
it strengthens our brain's capacity to do what it thinks it can’t
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